For the constellation module of my course I am currently writing my dissertation on the possible link between mental illness and creativity, analysing written evaluations on the topic and artists biography’s to try to determine a possible correlation between the two.
This is a fascinating topic for me as I have always been aware of how common psychological issues and melancholy is among my peers – fellow artists or creative people. However, it is acting as a kind of journey of self-discovery, trying to uncover the truth behind my thought patterns and actions. I have always known that I have rapid speech and thought, it can be very fast and relentless which means people who don’t know me can find it very difficult to articulate what I am saying. I think this causes anxiety for me, but maybe representing this in text or video work will be a way to free myself from the misunderstanding? To expose this large part of my identity.
I have become more focused on the abnormalities in my imagination and anxiety fuelled thoughts recently because a friend and I have shared similarities in these imagined scenarios that tend to be unrealistic, violent and erratic. More truths surfaced about what our minds come up with and how unhealthy it is. My mind can get carried away with negative thoughts until I imagine gruesome events happening; I have trained myself to ground my thoughts and snap out of it, but constantly doing this can lead to tiredness and depressive feelings which halts my creativity.
I have never involved these visions in my work or such personal issues as I don’t tend to work on that kind of imagery – fictional depictions of my thoughts for example or fantasy. I stick to realism and my insight into ideas or objects. However, delving into this is becoming therapeutic and I am trying to find a way to represent these constant stream of thoughts and obsessions in my work in a way that sheds a more positive factual light on to it.